As some of you may know, I’m taking Winter semester off to be with my family, particularly my mom. She is very sick with cancer and no one is certain how much longer she’ll with us.
I know that all of you are very well meaning and I can feel the great concern you have for me at this time, but for my own sanity I have created this blog, so that I don’t have to answer certain difficult questions many times. I can’t bear to have so many people calling/texting me regularly to see if I’m ok. It really doesn’t help. I’ll update this when I feel like it needs to be.
So.
If you’re wondering how my mom is doing: She’s dying. The woman who raised me and changed my diapers is dying. Whether she will die from this or not is yet to be determined, but the fact remains, that as of now, yes... She’s dying. She’s physically weak and feeble and nauseous all the time. She’s forced to get toxic injections because that’s the only way modern medicine knows to keep her alive. Her spirits are high though and I know her faithfulness has not wavered once through this whole ordeal.
If you want to know if you can help: You can! You can pray for her. Pray with all your faith. If you go to a Temple, put her name on the prayer roll (Her name is Nancy Dye). Fast for her. If you feel like you have nothing important to fast for on the first Sunday of the month, choose her.
If you’re wondering what I’ll be doing while I’m at home: I’ll be with my mom. She’s my number one priority. I won’t be working, I won’t be socializing, I won’t be traveling, since these things take me away from her almost as much as school does. I’ll be with her, whenever she needs me… always.
If you’re wondering how I’m doing: Know that I’m heartbroken. Know that I’m barely holding on. Know that when you speak to me, you’re only talking to a small piece of me because the rest of my being is with her. Realize that I’m faking my smile and that every moment is a struggle to be happy. Know too that I’m still faithful and prayerful that all will end up right and that God’s plan is greater than mine. My rock and my foundation will I forever rely on, and for this I am eternally grateful.
What you should take away from this:
Be thankful every moment for the blessings that the Lord has poured out on you, a lowly sinner.
Be thankful for your family…especially your mom.
Instead of speaking to me of your worry, speak instead of your joys! Let me hear from your mouth the wonderful things that you experience!
Do not pity me, but rejoice in the refiners fire that puts everyone of us through seemingly unbearable circumstances, only to end up closer to and more like our Savior.
